So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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