You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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