You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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