my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
