Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
