This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
