I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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