We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
