I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
