tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
