We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
