We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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