"it" just moved
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
