i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
