Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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