You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
