her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
