every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
