Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Im part way to drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
