omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
