Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
