fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
not ubering you a puppy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
