Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
