no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
