would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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