I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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