if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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