so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
