Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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