In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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