My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
