What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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