I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
