big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
