We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
