The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
