normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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