Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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