I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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