Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You pole danced in your parka.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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