Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
