Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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