Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
