i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
