Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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