we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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