Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
