were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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