i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
