I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
