Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
