That's intense
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
