and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
