Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
