who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
