You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
